It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
