I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
