those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
