Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
