I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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