Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
