i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have aggressive nipples.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
