This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
