Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
