Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize