Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
