I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
