i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
