I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
