New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
