when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
