i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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