I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
