i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
