i already hear my dad disowning me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
