"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
