I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
