Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
