i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
