She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
