Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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