All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
