I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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