I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
