This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
