I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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