it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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