when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize