I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
