he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
