Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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