I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
