And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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