if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
