Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize