how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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