I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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