someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
