dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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