Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize