perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
