You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
