How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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