Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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