I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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