I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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