Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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