If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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