We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
