I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
