I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
