After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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