My liver just broke up with me...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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