We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
