dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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