Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
