Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
