I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
