How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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